Review: Healing the Stormy Marriage by R. Christian Bohlen with Helen M. Bohlen

Author R. Christian Bohlen and his wife Helen M. Bohlen address some of the most difficult problems a marriage can face with a resounding, positive note, in Healing the Stormy Marriage: Hope and Help for You When Your Loved One Has Mental Health or Addiction Issues.

Not long after Christian married Helen, seemingly the woman of his dreams, 35 years ago, problems began to arise. Helen, who was born with a handicapped leg, also harbored mental illness, evidenced, as she herself suspected, by the fact that she could remember her happy times at camp as a child, but almost nothing of her home life. After many difficulties with Christian, including several short but painful separations, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. The diagnosis was a relief but resulted in other challenges – for her, which medicines to take, and for him, how to live with her in an affirmative manner.

Communication channels gradually opened, partly owing to their strong religious faith and partly to the determination to believe and understand what he stresses in this well-considered guide: negative feelings can flow through like a river, and be accepted for what they are, just as positive sensations can flow and be appreciated. Blaming oneself or the spouse is never the solution. The book covers crucial aspects of spousal relationships through their unique lens, including issues of mental illness, substance abuse, and personal, deep-rooted fears and doubts, offering numerous resources for further reading.

Though the cover may not suggest it, the book has a decidedly religious focus; Bohlen is a professional communicator, award-winning writer, and consultant who has worked with various troubled groups such as juvenile offenders, bringing his Christian beliefs to his work at all levels. Each section concludes with a section entitled “Hope and Help,” which provides segments called “Scriptures to Ponder,” “What You Can Do Today,” and “Spiritual Blessings for You.” Bohlen invites the reader to end “trench warfare with God” and see the person they live with as three entities: a soul, a partner, and an emotionally challenged person. In fact, Bohlen states, “nearly all marriages involve two spouses who have varying degrees of mental, emotional or spiritual issues or unhealthiness.” He has organized his book to address this simple but profound truth.

Most interestingly, Helen contributes a response in each chapter to the material offered first as her persona of 35 years ago, and as her present, far less conflicted self; her contributions are often the most illuminating, offering a personal perspective, and an inspiring example. In this way, the reader can clearly grasp the difference that has resulted from the couple’s dedication to saving and preserving their marriage. The book concludes with an autobiographical portrait of Christian and Helen’s long, successful partnership, leaving no doubt that they enjoy a peaceful, compassionate, empathetic life together.

All in all, Healing the Stormy Marriage is exemplary for being a cooperative effort, which is unique in the field of marriage self-help, especially for religious readers. This shared guide could serve as therapy for those seeking answers and who are perhaps reluctant to take further steps toward marriage reconciliation, and as a rich focus for marriage workshops within a Christian setting.