Review: Growing Pains: Volume 1 (Raw Mind) by Evan McMillan

Evan McMillan releases a torrent of biographical poetry in his raw and unabashed collection Growing Pains: Volume 1 (Raw Mind).

Notably, there is a clear autobiographical story woven through these bursting lines of passion and vulnerability. The poet is a man who has faced numerous heartbreaks and disappointments, he’s been failed by multiple systems, and he has even been betrayed by his own body’s desires, so the collection often feels like a cry of rage into the void.

As he explains in his introduction, there is “… no trying to say the right thing. It’s pure expression, spilling out as my life unfolds.” That approach is clear in many of these pieces, as they are filled with frenetic and raw confessions of struggle – seemingly unedited sprees of thought. At times, this urgency manifests as repetitive sentiments appearing in multiple poems, like a stream-of-consciousness confession that circles back on itself.

In “Greed,” McMillan admits “She’s not mean, well, not in these dreams / that make it seem like you have control,” exploring the potentially dangerous fantasies we empower, while “Mistakes” acknowledges the importance of self-awareness, despite dealing with “The permanence worse than pain.” These gritty dissections of complex ideas make this a heavy read, but one that can deliver tough-love wisdom in an engrossing way.

Thematically speaking, the predominant content relates to the poet’s personal experience – relationships, addiction, depression, self-improvement – but there are many other pieces that touch on contemporary issues. Poems about the ability to breathe, unfair victimization, and the Black Lives Matter movement aren’t subtle in their message, but they are executed with force, often in a form that would lend itself well to spoken word performance. Some of his other abstract explorations of sin, self-worth, justice, and guilt are evocative and timely for today’s readers, binding relevant social issues with tough moral questions.

As one might expect, the poetry gradually becomes more hopeful and optimistic, particularly when the poet is freshly inspired by faith, newfound love, or the work of god in his life. Interspersed with the poetry are passages of prose – some biographical, and others philosophical, about the nature of being, personal responsibility, and the importance of perseverance. These poetic respites remind readers that this collection reflects growth and change, effectively giving context for the collection as a whole.

There are many notable moments of subtle crafting, when the assonance lands just right, or an unexpected image is summoned to bring an emotion to life. However, for such intense and emotional content, some of the language feels overly informal, poorly chosen, or redundant in terms of imagery choice. Also, some of the sentiments are overly familiar, as are idiomatic phrases in the verse, or well-worn comparisons that feel unoriginal. The sheer volume of the poetry in this collection is partially to blame; with so many impassioned, free-form pieces, there is bound to be overlap.

That being said, there are few poets who simultaneously experiment with their art and unpack all of their deepest secrets on the page, and Evan McMillan is one of them, in this evocative collection of struggle and survival.