Review: Once You Know by Madeleine Van Hecke

Once You Know is a gripping work of women’s fiction written by Madeleine Van Hecke whose message is as stark as it is unrelenting: once you know, there’s no going back to the way things once were.

Colleen Moretti is a devout and devoted housewife and mother to her eight-old-daughter, Izzy, and her older daughter, Rachel, who’s just finishing her first year of college back home in Chicago. Colleen’s life is turned upside down when her husband, Derek, announces that work operations are shutting down in Arizona, with him being called back to the office in Chicago. Anxious over having to deal with the sale of their current house while looking after Izzy and the entire move falling squarely on her shoulders, Colleen’s stress level is already high but goes through the roof when she finds something on her husband’s laptop which suggests that he’s had an affair.

Although Colleen is disgusted by her husband’s repulsive behavior, she nevertheless struggles to keep her damaged family intact while trying to support Rachel as she copes with her own pain and anger. Rachel’s class on sexual abuse and violence against women has triggered some disturbing memories from her childhood, which become stronger and more frequent until finally Rachel can’t keep quiet any longer and confronts her father, which ultimately leads to a rift in the family. Rachel seeks the help of a therapist to come to terms with her childhood trauma, but her self-destructive behavior is spurred at times by Colleen’s delusional hopes of a family reconciliation that Rachel is determined will never happen.

Once You Know is evocatively written from the dual viewpoints of Rachel and her mother. In Rachel, we see the pain, hurt and resentment of her father’s betrayal insinuate itself into her everyday life, affecting her sleep, her relationship with her boyfriend, Aaron, and in her fiercely protective instincts where her younger sister is concerned. Rachel’s inability to keep her shame at bay over her sexual feelings and her need to hurt herself through self-destructive behaviors all show how profoundly her father’s betrayal has affected her, leaving her feeling damaged and unable to cope.

Colleen, on the other hand, buys into Derek’s apologies and contrition, struggling to reconcile the husband and father she has known him to be with the monster he’s confessed himself to have once been. She seeks to find the answers in her religion with the hopes of coming up with a solution that will satisfy everyone. It’s a very shaky house of cards with only one right decision – although Colleen cannot, or does not, want to see it which becomes frustrating at times as she continuously gives Derek the benefit of the doubt while seemingly ignoring the depths of Rachel’s pain.

The novel is incredibly strong due to these distinct character portraits – characters vividly portrayed with unique motives and pain, but drawn together by the bonds of family. This is a harrowing story with very difficult subject matter, and Van Hecke crafts this complex dynamic with nuance and commendable subtlety, when it could have easily been an overly simplistic story with clear lines of right and wrong. There is no maudlin sentimentality here, as the book asks hard questions, for which there are no easy answers.

Make no mistake, this is a difficult read, but a rewarding one, given Van Hecke’s skill with characterization and story, forcing the reader to ask themselves the same questions as the characters. At times, the novel will repel you and then touch you, but at the end of the day it’s a story that will stay with you long after the last page has been read.