Review: In Spite of Us by Deb & Sandy Palmer

In Spite of Us by Deb and Sandy Palmer truly exemplifies its subtitle, “A Love Story about Second Chances,” offering a moving story of love, faith, and renewal in the face of addiction.

Deb is a divorced mother of two and part-time student who shares custody of her kids with her ex-husband. When not in mother-mode preparing lunches for her kids, she’s recovering from her last bender. An affair with her boss only fills a void but when she’s in a room lit with vodka and delusion, Deb believes theirs to be a grand love affair.

Coming from a Scotch-Irish family, drinking is a rite of passage. Drinking too much is never an issue – it’s conducting yourself properly while inebriated that really counts. Unfortunately, Deb gets constantly loaded, but in her eyes it’s far better than staying sober, which is no less painful than remaining awake through major surgery. To Deb, God is a crutch – one she prefers to go without.

Sandy, also a father of two, is a recovering alcoholic who believes that a sober life is one worth living. Juggling a sober life isn’t easy but he’s managed to do it for the past three years. He’s completing a Special Ed practicum at a local high school, attends AA meetings and believes that God will guide him on the right path. Deb and Sandy are set up by a friend to meet at an AA Valentine dance where both are attracted to one another. Although Deb finds Sandy attractive, logic rules out a relationship with a sober guy who needs God for a crutch…

The various chapters are told from alternating points of view and the narrative is brutally harsh at times. As addiction memoirs go, this offers a unique perspective – offering not only two different perspectives on recovery, but how these opposites attract, telling dual stories equally well about overcoming addiction and finding love late in life.

The book most certainly has a religious focus, so it is most certainly recommended for the faithful, with a much stronger emphasis on the path to God than the more non-denominational approach of AA. One could argue that a more generalized approach towards faith would have broadened its appeal and potential impact, but that is clearly not the purpose of the book, which seeks to act as witness, as well as tell the Palmers’ personal story, taking an unsparing look at love, faith, and addiction in equal measure.

In Spite of Us offers no apologies for its honesty, but the narrative also has doses of humor throughout that serve to lighten the mood considerably. Make no mistake, there are dark moments in the book, especially when Deb reflects on parenthood and alcoholism – rationalizing that the worse she gets, the more it might call a powerful God to fix all her messes. This layered look at faith – showing that the faithful can still be misguided – is refreshing, as books on faith can too often rely on feel-good bromides that may be soothing, but are not necessarily actionable.

All in all, In Spite of Us is a beautifully-written story about one couple’s road to redemption, a perfect read for those who have loved ones suffering from addiction, or those needing to find their own light through dark times.