Jeff Bezos

Seattle, Washington, April 1st, 2019 – Today Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos revealed that he is going to study all Kindle ebooks to finally answer life’s enduring mysteries. The idea came to him when watching the second season of the Netflix series, “The OA.” In the series, a tech billionaire creates a game to lure in gamers in order to study their dreams, which seem to have repeated patterns that reveal mystical secrets, so he can then…not sure, it’s entertaining, but kind of confusing.

“First off,” Bezos said from his home in Medina, WA, “You should only have an Amazon Prime account, as we have much superior content than our competitor. But as I was watching my favorite show with my monthly Netflix subscription on my iPad, I realized I have millions of minds at my disposal. The tech guy in that show is studying, like, 50 dreams at most. There are a million Kindle ebooks published a month.

“My idea is to see if there are any repeated ideas in all those books. Kindle self-publishers may just be writing the meaning of life.”

When confronted with the proposition that there are 7 basic stories that are repeated over and over again, Mr. Bezos was adamant: “No. This was the entire reason Amazon.com was invented. Not to sell books, but to gather the data from every book ever written. Read the Privacy Policy. Given that more and more people are self-publishing, without gatekeepers controlling what they write, we are getting an unedited look at the human mind.” He was heard to mutter quietly, “Please hire an editor.”

He brightened. “This is more important than Blue Origin, so I am halting that project. Screw space exploration. I want to explore inner space. If Kindle Direct Publishing has revealed anything, it’s that everyone seems to have a book in them. And I mean everyone. At this rate, there will be more Kindle ebooks than stars in the galaxy. That has to mean something.”

Calling this the ultimate self-published book, Jeff Bezos expects his findings to be published this time next year. “I hope it gets reviews,” he said.

Reprinted by permission from Amazon.com.

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