Lance Manion, a self-published writer from Philadelphia,  is the author of five books. The Trembling Fist, his fifth collection of short stories is out now.

1. What is your favorite word?
Fornication. I like the word because it means sex but I can’t hear it without also thinking fortification. Somehow the idea of a large structure, perhaps phallic in appearance, mixing in with intercourse just takes it to a whole new level.

2. What is your least favorite word?
Chthonic. I remember reading Inferno by Dan Brown and he’s only 12 lines in and he casually drops that word. It was like a slap in the face. The perfect word and then he plows on as if it’s no big deal. I would have stopped the book in its tracks just to gloat about how I worked that word in. D*ck.

3. What turns you on?
Vulnerability. Not so much that it makes the individual weak but just enough to give them another layer when it comes time to figure out their motivations. And, of course, big t***ies. And lies.

4. What turns you off?
Certainty. Doesn’t matter if it’s in a sexual partner or picking up dry cleaning. I don’t like when certainty creeps into the equation. I want to know that at any point in the sex that the topic of dry cleaning may come up.

5. What sound do you love?
Birds chirping. I know that they are talking to each other and I probably would be disappointed with the content of their messages but I just find it so relaxing to sit out back on the deck with my eyes closed listening to them. It’s when they stop chirping that you have to worry.

6. What sound do you hate?
Wipers going back and forth across a dry windshield.

7. What is your favorite curse word?
For sheer offensiveness nothing beats c**t. I believe scientists found that saying it out loud can bring moving objects to rest. If you were to define the female anatomy I think the area defined as the c**t would be much smaller in most women than the area referred to as the p***y.

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
I think I would like to be give open-heart surgery a whirl. Not so much because I have an interest in medicine so much as to see the look of fear etched on all the faces of the nurses in the operating theater as I begin to cut open the patient. Having them know that I have no idea what I’m doing as I start to saw through bone, and blood is fountaining everywhere would be awesome.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
A lawyer. If I went to bed at night knowing that I derived an income by making things worse for everybody I don’t think I’d want to wake up.

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
“You’re right, Judge Judy is a stupid b*tch.”

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